Last week was THAT week. No matter how much trauma work one does, cellular memory is an incredibly powerful thing that can override everything and leave you in a puddle. This is what I wrote on Facebook last Friday.
18 November will always be a bitter-sweet day because of the way Si was taken from us. Every year the emotions are a little different but, this year, I am feeling very weepy and fragile.
- Five years of celebrating what you meant to us.
- Five years of reminders of how brutally you were taken from this world.
- Five years of unpacking trauma, grief and loss which has so many bloody layers to it – you are never truly done.
- Five years of redefining who we are without you.
The Journey of Reinvention
Testing our new reality has been a journey of reinvention. To all who travel this path, it requires determination, courage and oodles of support to help you find your centre again.
Thank you to all of you for being that support structure for me and my boys. You have no idea how much you have helped us to get back up again. Even your popcorn prayers have made a difference, each and every one.
I just loved this email from a client, Kim Ballantine, a couple of months ago that said this:
“I’ve been to your talks and a workshop, and always find your information so valuable. You don’t know me, but I want you to know that I have prayed for you and your now-adult children since you lost your husband. Often popcorn prayers, just holding you up, but they have been there. It is so encouraging to see how you have journeyed since your incomprehensible loss. I cannot imagine what you went through, but you are such an inspiration to so many.”
To people like Kim, and everyone who has held us up, thank you will never be enough. We have felt you and been bolstered by your love and energy. Never forget the power of ‘popcorn prayers’. You will never know how much you can help people in such a quiet and unimposing way.
Reframing Trauma, Grief and Loss
Some of my work in the past few years has focused on trauma, grief and loss as it pertains to helping professionals in the legal, financial and medical sectors, to develop more empathy for both themselves and for their traumatised clients.
A lot of my work during the global pandemic has been around helping the employees, leaders and teams, within large organisations, to reframe disruption and discover the collateral beauty within the collateral damage of any kind of loss or change. It has been such fulfilling work that comes, of course, from a very deep place of personal understanding.
Having been able to put our ordeal to good use in order to help others reframe the disruption they are experiencing, whether by choice, by chance or by crisis, has been incredibly healing for me. It has helped me to find a parking place for my pain and a purpose for it too.
Si may no longer be with us, but his legacy continues through our children, Ryan and Matthew, and through my work.
To all who travel this path, keep walking. Even baby steps will do.
Here’s to getting up again and finding a purpose and a parking place for your pain.