What are you feeling for versus what are you looking for? This is a question I am working on a lot in my own life as well as helping coaching clients to address too.

So often in our lives we are asked (or we ask ourselves), “What are you looking for?”:

  • In a job?
  • In a salary?
  • A boss/employer?
  • In a partner/spouse?
  • In a school for your children?
  • In a home/house if you are house hunting?
  • In a business partner?
  • In a book if you have gone out to buy one?
  • In a town, city or country if you are considering moving?
  • In a dentist, a doctor, a financial adviser if you want one on your team?
  • I could go on but you get the gist

Looking for and feeling for are two very different concepts. Often the looking for has a societal or family expectation overlayed on it, that goes like this, “I should be looking for…” It is coloured by what we are told is ‘right’ and it’s very much a head thing or about fitting in or looking good.

Feeling for, on the other hand, is driven far more from the heart. I was chatting to two friends of mine who had recently both lost their mums and are in the early stages of grief. They were wondering why some days they feel okay and on others they feel terrible, and neither state feels in their control. I said, “All you can do is reach out for the next best feeling you can find. It doesn’t have to be the perfect feeling, just the next best one.”

When we are feeling for we are opening ourselves up to allowing the adventure of ‘what next?’ as opposed to having to make it happen through sheer determination and willpower.

I do believe we create our own future by our choices, attitudes, behaviour and how we connect with the people around us. But, sometimes we need to take our foot of the gas a little, give ourselves a break from being such a driver, and allow ourselves to be supported by a thousand unseen helping hands and forces, feeling our way rather than thinking our way.

I have found this way of being to be quite magical and magnetic in attracting new relationships, clients and work I love, finding a new home and so much more. It doesn’t mean you don’t put in the work, effort and discipline, but there is a different kind of catalyst at play. Why not tap into a thousand unseen helping hands and forces?

Next time you find yourself saying, “I’m looking for…,” stop yourself, rephrase and reframe to, “I’m feeling for…”. Be curious and you may just find yourself being beautifully surprised at what you allow and attract into your life.

Have an interesting week playing with feeling for and allowing. Let me know how it goes.

Nikki Bush Signature

Human Potential Expert